In fact, we must be both [appreciative and demanding]. Appreciative and demanding of ourselves and others. This is the only approach that allows us to fully exercise the disciplines of love which undergird all successful human relationships. (Blog of 10/27/15).
There is a political correctness that says we must not be demanding, only assertive. This is poppycock. We must indeed be demanding of ourselves and others. The key to not being riled over receiving demands is an appreciation of legitimacy. Most bosses understand very well that demands do not only proceed from the top down in a hierarchy. A good boss recognizes that he will be receiving many demands from his employees – they will be looking for consistent, reliable support: this implies that there will be steady demands. These requests for support (while yet demanding) must be simultaneously appreciative of the boss's role. That is, the demand is real and certain but draws upon assigned accountability. The employee may say to his boss “I am having difficulty with this project, do you have any ideas regarding aspects X,Y or Z?” Contrast this with “Boss you gave me an impossible project, just what do you want to do about X,Y or Z.” The first approach is a legitimate call for the boss’s support responsibilities, the second approach would have the boss entirely solve the problem himself. This of course is illegitimate for it would have the employee usurp the role of the boss in the name of support while simultaneously abdicating employee responsibility. Micromanagement in any form is essentially usurpatious.
Many things begin in the home and my view of the subject began there. My parents operated in spacious realms of mutual accountability... which in no way diminished the actual demands involved.
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