One of the most confounding things in human affairs
is not to communicate while problems are still on a low order of
magnitude. Not infrequently we sublimate
what should be communicated which results in a compounding of complexity to the
point of crisis at which point pent up frustration, anger, and resentment explode. What constitutes the friction of communication—why
don’t we communicate when we should? Several
factors contribute. One frequent excuse
is that we want it to appear that everything in our purview is “quite alright,
thank you.” Somehow we equate
imperfections in our situation with imperfections in us. Thus, one key to better communication is a
relinquishing of the ambition to appear perfect—realizing the better course is embrace
the messiness of reality. Another factor
is cynicism regarding others. We assume
that everyone is selfish and thinks only of their own comfort. The key to
better communication here is to understand that people enhance their
self-concepts though helping others when it is perceived that others are doing
their best—are not lazy and just playing games to avoid effort. Being part of a solutions team is a rewarding
social act of highest magnitude. People
want to help earnest players. Perhaps most
on people’s minds when they don’t communicate is that they just don’t want “to
be a bother.” Better just to keep quiet rather than to
speak out about issues and cause trouble.
This can be significantly counterproductive as often by not speaking out
we are compounding the effort that eventually inevitably must be expended. The driver that notices low oil pressure but sublimates
this problem rather than acknowledging it and thus causing some distress in his
passengers will surely compound their distress by keeping quiet and driving on
until the engine blows up. So as is
often the case, none of the choices available to the driver are ideal. But the better choice is to acknowledge facts
and communicate. The most rewarding
thing about communicating is its cleansing nature. We feel dark clouds dispel when communication
lights up the situation. The act of communication
has inherent redeeming qualities and should be engaged in proactively. Communication not only solves problems
without, but helps keep them from festering within. Communicate early and often—that should be our
motto.
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