Before a lifestyle change about six weeks ago, I
was addicted to overeating. On a typical
evening some hours after supper, I would sit before the TV and eat a whole box
of high caloric crackers or bag of chips. An apparent motive for this behavior was that
it “felt good.” I was getting pleasure
from the experience of eating food. But,
a more challenging question is: what was the implicit reason supporting the
explicit one? The consumption of food in
excessive and unhealthy amounts must be seen as a symbolic act. The basic question is, not what did the
practice feel like as much as what
did it mean? What was basically driving the behavior? On this most fundamental level, eating badly
symbolized blatant rebellion—I could willfully act against all common sense and
my doctor’s advice and warnings to boot.
I could take charge and not accept things as they are. The key to a healthy lifestyle change is the redrafting
of meaning—becoming defiantly in charge in a different way. Both stances are underwritten by blatant
“highs” based on defiance—one thrills to defiance of facts and warnings, the
other thrills to defiance of delusions and falsehood. Both are strong affirmations of personal will
and thus bring pleasure. It is life
changing when it can be seen that we are not reluctantly caving in to facts and
reality, but deliberately embracing them—not weakly accepting truth, but defiantly
doing so. The end of addiction occurs
when we stop rebelling against reality and start rebelling against delusion and
phoniness—when positive lifestyle changes can bring the thrill of defiance as
surely as negative ones.
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